Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
