What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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