Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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