well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
