Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
