why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
