how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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