there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
