the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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