I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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