I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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