I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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