i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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