Can Purell be used as lube?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
