my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize