She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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