...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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