So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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