Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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