oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think my vagina is haunted
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
