Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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