My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
