Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
