Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
