i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
