Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize