I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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