The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
