Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
