the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex on a dog bed..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
