hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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