we have officially lost it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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