i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
