Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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