Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The air taste purple.
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