You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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