hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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