Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
