ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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