from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
