in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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