she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
