watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
