well I can't set my house on fire every night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
