My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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