oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
