how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
