my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't deserve a penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
