They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
