saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
