Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
