and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
