Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
