I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
