im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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