Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My vagina just recognized that song.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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