stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
