have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
