I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize