I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize