dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i will never coherently bang her
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
